When you find out someone you know has schizophrenia, it’s important to avoid certain words so you don’t agitate them or come across as insensitive. It’s also important to remember that schizophrenia is a serious mental illness. It affects all aspects of a person’s life, including how they think, process things, and behave. To an outsider, it may look like that person has lost touch with reality because in some instances they can see or hear things that are not real. “Many people with schizophrenia are unable to have insight into their illness,” says Jennifer Tomko, LCSW, psychotherapist, and owner of Clarity Health Solutions in Jupiter, Florida. This can be extremely stressful not only for the person with the condition but also for family, friends, and community members.
The good news is that there are treatments to help people with schizophrenia. Having a good support system is part of that effective treatment. Knowing how to interact with people when they are having a schizophrenic episode is invaluable. The below list is a step in the right direction for friends and family looking to help.
What not to say to someone with schizophrenia
1. Don’t be rude or unsupportive. Instead, be tolerant and listen to what they are saying. If they are being dangerous or inappropriate, do call for help. You don’t want to be in a dangerous situation.
2. Don’t bully them into doing something they don’t want to do. Instead, ask them if there is someone you could call for them. A friend, parent, social worker, or therapist are all good options.
3. Don’t interrupt them. Let them talk, even if they are rambling. Having someone listen is being supportive of their condition. According to Dr. Xavier Amador in his book, “I Am Not Sick. I Don’t Need Help!,” “stop arguing and start listening to your loved one in a way that leaves him feeling that his point of view … is being respected.”
4. Don’t assume you know what they need. Instead, ask them what they would need to feel better, says the UK’s Mental Health Foundation. Perhaps it’s a glass of water, or sitting down, or having a favorite item nearby. Help them with whatever will help soothe them.
5. Don’t second guess or diagnose them. Diagnosis is for doctors. You’re there to be supportive, not give medical judgment.
6. Don’t use words that make you seem like an enemy. Don’t say, “stop that, or I’ll call the police,” but instead reassure them that you are on their side and that you want to help them.
7. Start a dialogue, not a debate. Remember the person is in an agitated state, you don’t want to increase their stress. Keep the conversation going in a positive, supportive way.
8. Don’t argue. If the person is not making sense during their schizophrenic episode, don’t get into a verbal fight with them. And don’t tell them what they are or are not seeing.
9. Don’t back the person into a corner. Either verbally or physically. The person will feel attacked or trapped and may lash out.
10. Don’t use a strong voice. Instead use soft, gentle language, so the person knows you’re to be trusted.
11. Don’t engage in conversation that focuses on what’s not real. Don’t say you can see or hear voices that aren’t there.
12. Use simple directions and language. A schizophrenic person may be confused during an episode, so don’t give an elaborate explanation—your loved one may have problems processing it. Instead, say, “let’s sit down and talk.” Don’t go into a lengthy description of why what that person is seeing is not real.
13. Don’t alarm them with actions without words. If you are taking your cell phone out to call for help, explain what you are doing, so they don’t get scared of your movements. If you are going to pull out a chair to sit down, tell them what you are doing as you do it.
14. Don’t talk about the person’s fears while she’s in a paranoid mood. If she’s terrified of dogs, don’t talk about dogs and why she should not be afraid of them. Instead, wait until she’s calm to discuss her fears.
15. Don’t talk in the negative, instead use positive language and light. Don’t say “stop ranting” instead say, “you seem agitated, what can I do to help.”
16. Don’t challenge them. A schizophrenic person thinks what they are seeing is real—and it is real to them. Don’t try to convince them that they are wrong.
17. Don’t dismiss them. Along those same lines, remember: Their beliefs are real to them. Acknowledge that they see something you do not. Say something along the lines of “I don’t see what you are seeing or hearing, but I am here to support you; what can I do to help.”
18. Don’t blame them. This is a mental illness and it’s not their fault. Don’t make them feel bad for having this disease.
19. Don’t make them more agitated with words or actions. Instead, encourage them to seek treatment. Ask them if they would like you to call their doctor or take them to the nearest hospital. Don’t sound stressed or hurried in your voice; instead, be calm.
20. Don’t yell. When the person is agitated and perhaps even yelling herself, it’s easy to get into a yelling match, but it serves no purpose. Remember, the person cannot control the state she’s in. If she’s yelling or rambling she can’t help it, but you can. Take control of the situation by staying calm and calling for help if the situation gets out of hand.
Sources:
- Jennifer Tomko, LCSW, a psychotherapist and owner of Clarity Health Solutions in Jupiter, Florida
- National Institute of Mental Health: Schizophrenia
- Mental Health Foundation: “How to support someone with a mental health problem”
- “I Am Not Sick. I Don’t Need Help!,” by Dr. Xavier Amador
- Psychology Today: “How to Help a Loved One with a Mental Illness”.
- Mental Health America
- National Alliance on Mental Illness
