Elena*, a 38-year-old mom of two, was surprised to find out about her husband’s P0*n habit. Little did she know that her discovery would be the beginning of a new adventure.

I know it sounds naïve, but I never really thought that Jeff* looked at P0*n until the day I discovered tons of it on his computer; I just assumed he didn’t need it because we have a pretty active s*x life. After 11 years together and nine years of marriage, we still have s*x three or four times a week.

My laptop was on the fritz, and I had a big work deadline looming, so I logged onto his computer in our home office. I hadn’t used it in ages, but when I tried the password—our anniversary—it was still the same. When I started typing the website I needed into the address bar, a drop-down appeared showing bits of Jeff’s browsing history, which included links to P0*nHub, the largest p****graphy site on the Internet.

I felt like I was going to throw up. It was as though I’d just discovered he was having an affair—with countless P0*n stars.

I had always thought that we had a pretty hot s*x life (we often mix things up and try new positions), but after seeing all of the, ah, creative scenarios my husband was looking up, I started to doubt myself.

Out of curiosity, I decided to click on one of the links. Of course, I had seen P0*n before, but it wasn’t something I sought out. As I watched a beautiful young woman standing in a kitchen self servicing with cooking oil dripping down the front of her body, I was surprised to find that I was getting turned on. From there I clicked on other videos and fell down the rabbit hole. With no one else in the house, I ended up self servicing right there in the desk chair. I had never done anything like that before, and it was great—except then I had to rush to get all of my work done.

That night when Jeff came home from work, I knew I had to confront him about what I had found. When I told him I’d seen his browser history, he seemed embarrassed but unapologetic. He said that looking at another person isn’t cheating, and I had to agree

When I asked him why he had hidden his enjoyment of P0*n from me, he shrugged and said that he wasn’t hiding anything, and that watching P0*n had nothing to do with our relationship. I thought about it for a moment and realized that I had liked looking at P0*n, too. That’s when I said, “Well maybe it should. And maybe we could even learn a thing or two from watching it together.”

A few nights later when we were in bed, I brought up the idea of watching P0*n together again, and Jeff pulled up a video on his phone he thought I would enjoy. In it, a young attractive woman dressed as a schoolgirl was being “disciplined” by two men in a classroom. We’ve always had a pretty open relationship in which we discussed our likes and dislikes, so Jeff thought that this submissive scenario would be a huge turn on for me—and he was right.

As we watched the threesome play out, I felt my breath quicken, and I could feel a warm, tingly sensation further south. Jeff began rubbing my thigh, and to be honest, it was a little awkward; I didn’t know whether to keep watching or to look at Jeff. Keeping my eyes on the screen, Jeff started to unbutton my top and massage my br**sts. The combination of the video I was watching and what was happening right there in my bed doubled my excitement and almost made me feel like I was the woman in the movie.

Over the next few weeks, watching videos together became our new hobby. Searching for videos together was a way for us to discuss things we were interested in sexually. For example, I never knew that I liked watching girl-on-girl so much. And I was really surprised to find out that my husband gets turned on watching women use s*x toys. I didn’t own any, but after finding out how much he liked it, I wound up buying one to use in front of him.

After our initial binge, during which we watched videos at least a few times a week, we decided to take a break from regularly watching P0*n together. I think we were both starting to feel like we were relying on it too much to get in the mood. Still, watching P0*n is something we do now and then as part of foreplay. I don’t ever really watch it on my own, but I’m OK if Jeff wants to—and he says that he sometimes does. Instead of seeing P0*n as a threat, I now think of it as something that actually brought us closer together