As the Roman philosopher and orator, Cicero, said, “Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others.”
People do not realize the importance of showing gratitude for the sacrifice and show of love extended to them by others. A lady shared a very painful experience. She travelled to her village some time ago, an indigent father accompanied by his son, presented a very pathetic case. The son, a student in a tertiary institution was on the verge of being sent out of school on account of inability to pay the fees. Moved by compassion, she decided to shoulder the additional burden of paying the young man’s fees at great personal sacrifice. While in a meeting one day, the young man called persistently. “Aunty, exam is starting today. Without paying the school fees, I will not be allowed to write the exams,” he cried in desperation.
Not having sufficient funds to offset the full amount, she was constrained to borrow from a junior colleague in contravention of the policy of the establishment where she worked. Heaving a sigh of relief, after the fund transfer was effected, she didn’t hear from the student or his father. She eventually called the man to confirm if his son received the fund, to which he replied ‘yes.’ When she queried the man on their failure to acknowledge receipt of the fund, the man’s defense was that his son may have been engrossed in his exams. Upon hearing this, the woman said tears began to stream down her face. Too busy to acknowledge receipt of the fund for which she put her job on the line? That ended the sponsorship, and truncated the young man’s academic pursuit. Today, he is in the village idling away.
The typical reaction to a situation of this kind is to lampoon the benefactor, but it is the reality on ground. Etiquette, it was said previously, will always demand its pound of flesh!
The snobbery for civility and good manners has become a social malaise. People deliberately flout what should be strict observance of societal rules and conventions of acceptable behaviour. The fact that present media culture does not place premium on etiquette does not mean that people have ceased to care about manners.
The well-mannered child or student was taught to demonstrate profound depth of gratitude for any favour received. Be it even the smallest gift, you were required to sincerely appreciate any kind gesture. Upon resumption in school after the holidays, the norm is to write thank you letters to, not only your parents, but extended family members whom you encountered during the holiday, even if grandma dragged you to the farm and your delicate city skin got scratched in the brushes!
An adage affirms that, ‘a grateful child will always receive more.’ Another declares that when a benefactor is appreciated for what he has done, he does even more. In essence, saying ’Thank you’ yields massive rewards. It could also be inferred that failure to observe this conventional means of showing gratitude could deprive one of future acts of kindness.
Increasingly, we see flagrant disregard of this simplest of courtesies. People go to great lengths to render support especially in our clime, where the communal life is our own social security system. The person who hounded you for assistance as soon he received the solution to his problem vanishes into thin air.
Another lady also narrated a humiliating experience with a younger sibling. The brother fell into hard times after losing his job and she became responsible for the upkeep of the man’s family. Fortunately, a friend of hers was setting up a new company to whom she introduced her brother who was hired as the consultant and was paid handsomely. Not only did the brother ignore her calls and evaded other attempts to reach him, he lied that he was yet to be paid. When she took up the matter with her friend and learnt of the huge sums the young man had been paid over time, she was greatly saddened. At the family meeting when the patriarch of the family intervened, the man’s casual response was “What is the big deal? I have also referred people in the past’. This lady also broke down.
Ingratitude is most disheartening. The magnitude of the offense will ultimately be amplified by the penalty. People have lost great opportunity for social, professional and political advancement on account of this simple act of courtesy. Many are not inclined to extend further support to ingrates. You therefore short change yourself and shut down windows of progress through such uncultured behavior.
Socially smart people express gratitude for every act of kindness or service: the waiter who served your table, the support staff whose dedication to duty enables you to excel at work, your superiors and subordinates. Everyone around you should be appreciated irrespective of how well you think you reward them. Your relatives who harbored you during the years of struggle before you relocated to the upscale neighborhood and became unreachable.
Expression of gratitude endears you to people, it creates a good impression which further fortifies your relationships. Having built the bridge, it is easier to secure future assistance or favor. Conversely you find yourself petrified at the prospect of reconnecting when your lack of appreciation has taken its toll on the relationship.
It is dangerous to take anyone for granted and therefore advisable to express your gratitude without delay which could be misconstrued as ingratitude.
When you host an event (wedding, birthday, baby dedication, house warming, graduation, etc), do send out letters of appreciation to your guests immediately afterwards, thanking them for gracing the occasion. Bulk short message service (sms) and emails have simplified these sometimes onerous tasks. Same thing applies when friends, relations, colleagues visit you. It is important you thank them after confirming safe arrival at their respective homes. If you were promoted at work, given an award, it is critical to thank your up and downline for their supportive roles. At the end of the year, take out time to appreciate people who have made the year count for you.
The etiquette advantage equips you with social skills for both personal and professional advancement. Cultivate this habit and watch it unlock great, great benefits. Whom do you have to thank today to enable you move to the next level?
