The stereotyped phrase “women are their own enemies” posing as a truism, is merely an expression of systemised patriarchy. It is not about “women being their own enemies”, it is really about humanity being its own enemy
A wave of feminism has swept over the Ghanaian landscape and it fills every pore, burning every open wound that refuses to be closed.
With that wave of positive energy will come a strong force of negative energy, a spirit of divide and conquer. In the vein of that spirit resides the trope: women are their own enemies.
I will attempt to break down what this statement seeks maliciously to imply. It implies that in the rise of, and in spite of, female empowerment and the bid to establish equality between male and female opportunity, women themselves are the cause of their own downfall. Women themselves are the resistant force holding back the progress and intention of feminism. The idea that women are their own enemies implies that we are the cause of centuries of political, cultural, social and even religious subjugation in the rights of women. And as such, the notion of seeking women’s empowerment becomes a ridiculous and inane venture, bound to fail from the onset because its implementers shot themselves in the foot before they even started.
Five hundred shades of nonsense, if you ask me.
Should the horrible things women do to each other be basis for the generalisation that it is a woman’s problem when women are mean to each other, and something women do by instinct? Men, in the ruthlessness of this capitalistic world, similarly sabotage each other, but that is never pinned to the idea of being a man’s problem. It is usually just considered the individual’s problem; the individual’s envy, jealousy, greed, etc. And that envy or jealousy is not generalised as belonging to the entire male sex, as it is done with women in the idea that women are their own enemies.
A patriarchal idea
This idea, which has now become a trope, a curse thrown at feminism, is a very weak excuse drawn from the patriarchal dregs to hinder the cause for female and male equality of opportunity. It is yet another attempt by systemised patriarchy to explain the so-called need for patriarchy and, therefore, the need for the superiority of one sex over the other! And it, once again, silences women. To that effect, in a manner that is audaciously typical of an oppressor personality, the falsity that women are their own enemies erases a whole history, the history of humanity, in a bid to establish the superiority of the male gender. Do you see any similarities here between this and erasing black history and consciousness from African slaves in America?
The idea is a weak excuse to hinder the cause for female and male equality of opportunity.
Why do I say this? The notion that women are their own enemies creates a very easy escape route to excuse trampling on the rights of women. What it does is further entrench the idea that womanhood in itself is some kind of problem and canker; women must somehow be inferior beings to men because of this absurdity in their nature that causes them to be their own enemies.
I was listening to a show on the radio the other day where a male host was interviewing a successful woman entrepreneur. Somehow, during a discussion about developing business skills, entrepreneurial ability, improving quality and about women developing the courage to step into the entrepreneurial space, the phrase “but women are their own enemies” was thrown into the mix, spoken by the host. The woman entrepreneur readily agreed with the host and even went ahead to add that “without a supportive man, [a woman’s] success is limited.” This successful woman entrepreneur, in these words, did two things. One, she stepped handily into the trap the male host had set up for her by really being a woman that was her own enemy. By agreeing with him, and readily too, that women are their own enemies, she agreed that she herself must be some kind of absurdity and problem, and in doing that, she nullified her whole purpose in that interview, which was to empower women in business. Secondly, she perpetuated the patriarchal idea of a woman’s total dependency on a man in order to be the best and fullest person she can ever become. Everybody would love to have a supportive partner in the harsh realities of this world, but the idea that a man’s success also depends on whether he has a supportive wife is not exactly an idea people easily find logical.
Horrible Women bosses and Internalized Patriarchy
On yet another radio show, this time where host and guest were both women, the topic of discussion was how women are horrible bosses when compared to men. Both women, after diplomatically bandying about the idea for a short while, zeroed in on their truly personal views: that women are horrible bosses when compared to men and that they would prefer to work with a male boss rather than a female boss. Reasons were stated, and also furnished by an agreeing listenership; women bosses have mood swings (yes, menstrual periods were blamed as well), women bosses do not know how to draw a line between personal matters and work. Women bosses are irrationally difficult and overdo or overreact, women bosses are not friendly, they are too hard or aggressive. These descriptions were flipped over to more agreeable terms when it came to male bosses. An aggressive male boss “just wants the work done” but in women bosses, aggression is somehow irrational because women are supposed to be nurturers (of all the humbug and nonsense!).
The concept of women bosses in Ghana is one many Ghanaian men and women are still grappling with. Pictured: Grace Amey Obeng, CEO, FC Group. Photo: Businessworld Ghana
The concept of women bosses in Ghana is a very recent phenomenon, something that started to develop in the last decade. So the concept is something many Ghanaians, men and women, are still grappling with. The preference of these two females for male bosses, based on the reasons they stated, is an expression of internalized patriarchy. They, as we all are, are victims of a centuries-long patriarchal system and merely believe, reflect, and act out what they had been conditioned to believe of themselves.
We've all been set up to have negative feelings towards other women breaking the status quo
All the women in these interviews had internalized the perverse narrative that patriarchy has shoved down their throats. They have been set up against each other, and in that sense, women are their own enemies.
You cannot have systemized patriarchy without both women and men as active participants. There are times when women are the most judgmental of other women, when they would not hesitate to tear down another woman with a ruthlessness that still surprises me. But that is the cancer, the offspring of our societal conditioning.
We have all been set up to have negative feelings towards other women breaking the status quo and reaching the full height of their success. This negative force is expressed in jealousy, slut shaming, stabbing each other in the back, and belittling outstanding talents because the individual under scrutiny is of the wrong sex. We have been conditioned to regard such women as hateful things, things to be abhorred and not emulated (thus the cliché, that women make horrible bosses). This is often an unconscious process. Women are the worst victims of the system setup to our detriment. And that is the aim of systemized patriarchy. If women hate on themselves, if they slut shame and hinder the success of other women, if they backbite and see women who dare to challenge the restrictive status quo as hateful things, then there will be fewer numbers of women trying to emulate what our internalized patriarchy calls a hateful thing, and in that we unconsciously serve the aim of patriarchy. Facebook COO said on TEDTalk once, “Success and likeability are strongly correlated for men and negatively correlated for women”, and how true that is!
