Marriage in itself cannot promise absolute happiness but the essence of your marriage is the feeling you both share for each other which can either be joyful some day or unpleasant on other days. The conventional ideology of marriage strictly leaves no room for loneliness as couples are expected to meet each other’s needs and share marital responsibilities too.

Unfortunately, it is the reverse today as it is becoming increasingly more difficult to sustain a sense of happiness and accomplishment in many marriages, leaving couples lonelier as well as unfulfilled.

Loneliness is a shared responsibility in marriage and not a vacuum left for one person alone to fill at the expense of the other.

The dynamics of today’s living has made it so much easier for loneliness to penetrate into many family lives as couples are constantly in pursuit of their own independence and leaving little or no room for intimate connection in their marriages.

The woman factor

The average woman wants her man’s attention, affection, admiration and most importantly reassurance emotionally but unfortunately, not many are able to attain all these elements of a truly blissful marriage life together. It is a wrong perception to think that your spouse can meet your emotional needs alone without you helping him to achieve it. You will also be making a big mistake if you believe it is his fault that you are feeling lonely because he cannot seem to make you happy.

When you focus on your needs and desires in your marriage while omitting your responsibilities as a woman in fulfilling the emotional needs of your spouse, you will only get as much as you give.

Loneliness can also be a sign of an inner affliction you have left uncured from your childhood which has continued to distress your mind and your marriage today.

When you recognise that loneliness is a shared responsibility which is not without a cure, you will certainly find the reason to accept loneliness as just a temporary aspect of your marriage.

The man factor

Men are more connected through activities, while women are connected through conversation. Perhaps you think that your spouse is not feeling your pains because he is not showing you any empathy, unfortunately most men will only react through communication and if that is non existent in your marriage, loneliness will continue to take its rightful place.

Nevertheless, a good husband must also be sensitive to his wife’s feelings without being hypercritical because loneliness can be detrimental to her health and wellbeing. It is your responsibility to help her rebuild her self-confidence and share in her journey through recovery.

The shared factor

You must also learn to recognise friends and families who have the ability to ensure that you are happy and deserve to live a well fulfilled life. It is up to you to understand what you need in relationships alongside what you want, and it is your responsibility to effectively communicate those things to others outside your marriage. The bottom line is this; you are responsible for ensuring that you are happy and your needs are met not only in your marriage but outside your marriage too.

Notes

• Marriage is not a cure for your loneliness; it is a combination of so many factors which begin with you.