“Knock! Knock!!”
“Who is there?”
“Open the door jare.”
“Ah! Ah!”, “Oga, this is very early oh! I hope all is well”
“So you no know wetin dey happen for social media?”
“That place? Na wuna zone be that, you know I hardly use it”
“That’s how hot tory go just dey pass you by”
“But I have my radio set, and I always listen to 9pm news everyday”
“Hahaha! Who dey talk about that one now? Levels don change. The world has moved on since o”
“So wetin happen?”
“I hope you don’t have any mad dog here?”
“No o! There is no mad dog in this compound, Oga landlord won’t tolerate such. We only have an unchained one.”
“Ah! Thank God! Because this story I want to give eh, even mad dogs association of Nigeria fit protest”
“Na which story be that?”
“When I asked you to join Twitter and Facebook, you won’t, claiming that you are a man of God”
“Oga mi! No vex na, shey I have people like you, my own don better”
“You know Sola now?
“Which Sola?”
“Uncle Sola for Ekiti now”
“Oh! That one that is always in the news for negative reasons?”
“Exactly”
“Chai! So na wetin make you come disturb me again today? Wey I never digest Sheriff and Wadata Plaza crisis, you broke to me last week”
“As expected, you haven’t heard”
“Heard what na?”
“Oga Sola don look for big Madam’s trouble o!”
“Which one be that?”
“Big Madam at Olumo Rock now”
“Ah! ah!! He has now moved from Oga to his madam?”
“No worry, if Oga don ignore am for ages, Madam get am for plenty muscle”
“So how e come be?”
“I just opened my twitter o, with my tea by my side, and boom! One yeye boy come retweet something. I no read am well but what captured my attention was: ‘Mad dog’, ‘unchained’ and ‘I refuse to keep kwayet’!
“He must have really offended her! That man is very troublesome”
“This time around, he accused her of being complicit in the Jefferson bribery case and asked why she doesn’t go to America”
“But that’s confirmed to be lies now. She is not the same Madam mentioned.”
“You’re right. But Oga Sola, the ‘masses general’, must talk now.”
”Madam vex throw wan hot tweet again… she even call Oga Sola Mad dog who isn’t chained and that she won’t keep kwayet”
“You sure say e fit be her?”
“Na wetin I dey wonder too until she tweeted another one that says she is 45 and Baba is 73, and if Baba has been quiet, she is not Baba o! She won’t tolerate him, she is ready for him ”
“Ah! Madam don truly vex o. Why she no kuku bon am like Baba don do for years? Shebi 2018 don near, Mugu go jam soon”
“You see, you’re always not current. I told you. You’re not”
“Wetin happen again?”
“Haven’t you heard that Oga Mugu don jam his account? Ah! He has ordered Zenith Bank to freeze Sola’s account”
“See! Abeg, I need to join this twitter walahi. I hear say Sahara people sabi release hot news sharply”
“No! not now jare, just hear story first, we go see for office”
“Dem say dem say people talk say EFCC freezed the account because some cool 1.2bn yams were found enjoying air conditioner for Zenith Bank o”
“Chai! Diaris God o! In this Buhariyya, person get this kind yams and hunger dey mama boys and in this fasting? People wicked o! see broad-light thievery”
“EFCC said it is connected with the arms deal but Oga Sola don deny am sharp sharp”
“Kai! Dasuki na better person. If to say he is our President, there will be federal character in his distribution of yams nationwide”
“I just dey wait mek I hear Oga Sola’s comment, especially the time he would come to Channels and spew rubbish as usual. Seun go hear am!”
“He is not serious! When he hasn’t paid salaries for months and he has some yams that he is not using, why him no give people now?”
“He said the money was raised to him by his friends during campaign and that Zenith Bank sponsored his campaign”
“Ah! This one dey look for Emeka trouble be that”
“How? Wetin bring apex bank come this matter?
“Shebi you no know say he was their Oga before he was appointed to head the apex bank?”
“Wetin com concern Zenith Bank with sponsoring campaigns?”
“Everything concern dem. Although they have denied Oga Sola’s claims, it’s all ‘tactical maneuver'”
“Hahaha! The fear of Mugu, and the new Sheriff in town, is the beginning of wisdom!”
“But I no trust them sha. You know banks now. Dem sabi treat people like Kings, especially if you get enough yams.”
“You remember when Oga Sola dey bring Christmas rice and chicken and Sallah rams to people that time?”
“See you! If banks give you two yams, dem dey expect like six or ten yams in return o. Dey fit collect their money in yams, or any of its derivatives, like yam porridge”
“Na true oo! Oga Sola distribute plenty rice during campaign. People had to line up to collect theirs in the stadium.”
“Your short memory is a worry sha. You don forget the time he gave life-chicken to police dem? And even muscular rams one Sallah like that?
“Oookayy na true.”
“And he sabi jolly well-well for town: Today, na buka, tomorrow na kpomo, next tomorrow na corn for fine-fine girls place; another day na free picture for Chinese airport with ‘investors’… all fit be Dasuki yams o”
“But come, shebi he get immunity?”
“You be lawyer? that’s actually surprising to everyone sha. Mugu talk say even if you get immunity, provided that you ate from the forbidden yams, you must vomit am o”
“Ah! This is really good for our country, at least, our children go enjoy this change later”
“You no hear say some people for National Assembly are also fighting for immunity? Dem dey fear mek Mugu no jam their account too na”
“See! you wan come carry another tory come… we go continue the rest for work-place”
“Work-place?”
“Ehen now! You think say public servants dey work now? Na just surutu about issues: from Saraki, Buhari, Niger-Delta avengers, budget, forgery and now, Madam versus Sola”
“That’s your department sha; mine is serious business”
“Wey dem never pay money and see Salah dey come, which motivation you go get to work? Na to take tea and discuss o! At least, you sign attendance, no body go query you”
“See later, I’m almost late”
“Because i don give you tory finish abi?”
“No vex abeg”
“Okay now, abeg greet madam for me”
“Thank you, she go hear”
“Later now”
“Okay! Bye”
The writer is on twitter @el_bonga
