In the world we live in today, a world where consumerism is rampant and instant gratification expected, our basic needs are met without much effort. But happiness, the one thing we all hope for, can still be elusive. Happiness means different things to different people. I find winter delightful, walking my dog through a forest muffled in snow, or spending the day schussing down a hill, or cozied up by the fire with a good book. Other people find pleasure in attending the ballet, or enjoying fine dining with a group of friends, or hopping on a plane in search of new adventures.
Happiness means different things at different points in our lives. In my younger years it was blissful challenging my body in athletic pursuits but now I treasure quiet time to share a conversation with a friend or to write in my journal. I am going to hazard a guess that the activities you most enjoy today are different than the ones you enjoyed in the past. Happiness, we know when we feel it, and we certainly know when it is missing in action. When we are happy it shows. Our manner is more confident, we sport a smile, or at least the promise of a smile, our clothes look comfortable, seem to fit just right, and we appear approachable, interested in the world around us. But as I said, happiness can be elusive. The World Happiness Report, published in 2012, confirms that while societies around the world are getting richer, happiness, on average, is not rising but holding constant. In the study, The Happiness Equation by John Hallward, he tells us that “while wealth does make us happy, over time it has diminishing returns.” Is that why retail therapy doesn’t bring lasting results?
Nothing is simple but in the face of life, I would describe my overall feeling as one of contentment. How can that be? I decided to try to find out, to research what leads to happiness. First, don’t try too hard. Expectation leads to too much focus on the end point rather than simply engaging in the activities that get us there, activities that bring us a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction. I remember the year my granddaughter, Natalie, was about 6 years old. She was so excited about her birthday she could talk about nothing else for weeks leading up to the big day. She nagged her mother to get the invitations ready so she could pass them out. She pestered her to buy the goodies for the goodie bags. Nat wasn’t interested in making invitations or even printing the names of her friends on the envelope. She didn’t offer any ideas for the treat bags or for the activities they could engage in during the party. When the big day finally arrived she seemed to enjoy herself but when I overheard someone ask her how it went she shrugged and said, “It was Okay.”
Set personal goals and go after them. This applies to not only work and education. “Purposeful Leisure” is any activity that involves self-improvement and reflects a sense of choice
It is important to find the amount of spare time that is right for you. You may have a job that energizes you, a career that actually makes you happy. I no longer work but I do volunteer. Time flies by as I organize a mess of checks into a deposit and record the information in a useful way, or call on my creative side to prepare for a workshop. I’m not a type A personality. I enjoy watching TV or reading or a round of golf but I need some purpose to my day, to feel I am making a difference in this world.
Learn to manage the day’s slippery slope. If we can recognize the proverbial grand scheme of life, we can minimize negative reactions to daily frustrating minutiae. Now here’s a fact makes the task more daunting. Happiness peaks in the morning between 5:00a.m and 6:00 am. Great, by the time you get out of bed the day is going nowhere but down! Things decline steeply until midday, and then gradually hit a low in the evening around 10:00p.m. or 11:00 pm. I’m not sure I totally agree with those findings. I’ll let you draw your own conclusions.
Do not underestimate your ability to bounce back. You get over negative emotions quicker when you are in a situation that you can’t do anything to change. Tragedy and the misfortune of others can awaken our compassion for people, but also our appreciation of our own good fortune. Visit with someone you care about. Social media is wonderful – a quick text or e-mail or phone call keeps my daughters apprised of what is going on at home – but it is their regular visits that bolster my mood and foster an authentic relationship. We set out to understand what each other is actually thinking and experiencing. It really isn’t just about me.
In 2009 Gretchen Rubin wrote a bestseller called The Happiness Project. She defines this as an approach to changing your life. As in any project there is a preparation stage. You need to identify what brings you joy, satisfaction and engagement and also what brings you guilt, anger and boredom. Once you have that figured out you need to make resolutions. Now comes the hard part – keeping your resolutions.
Gretchen decided to focus on 12 areas of her life – one per month. She chose things such as friendship, money and leisure. Then for that month she focused on what would make her happy in that area of her life. For example friendships would add more to her life if she strengthened old friendships, deepened existing friendships and made new friends. How could she do that? She would remember birthdays, be generous, show up, not gossip, and make three new friends.
Gretchen learned a lot that year. She realised that striving to keep her resolutions made her a better person. Resolutions, as opposed to goals which are precise and finite, are ongoing and allow you to start each day with a clean slate. She also realized everyone’s happiness project is unique and it is important to be true to yourself. Interested in creating your own happiness project? Visit Gretchen’s website and it will guide you to devise your own blueprint for building a happier life.
In closing I want to share a quote from James Roberts, professor of marketing at Baylor University. His field is Applied Research in Quality of Life, and he states “Material possessions cannot deliver on the promise to make us happy. As human beings, it’s how we feel about ourselves, our relationships with others and our involvement in the larger community that brings happiness and contentment.”
J. H.
Ontario. Canada.
