“Sir, when will you remove the fish scales from your eyes?”

“After you remove the log in yours”.

I wanted to start this piece by saying we have a chicken and egg situation. But judging by how many times you may have heard people use that analogy, you may consider it pretty trite and proceed not to read further because everything else I write you will expect to be as pedestrian as starting with a chicken and egg analogy.

I thought I stopped writing. No, strike that, I wanted to stop writing… about social issues, except about education, which is my second love, next to writing that is. But if you consider writing a vocation rather than a job then education would be my first love right after writing.

Bored already?

How long then, do you think it will take to tire of our President’s two spokesmen. Between Femi Adesina and Garba Shehu, I do not know who looks more like a fish out of water or should I say, out of their depths. Yes, it is still early days but these gaffes may never be forgotten.

First, the President made a comment which could be interpreted to mean he would rather he ruled with strength of youth. His media aide had come on Twitter to help with damage control, an attempt, which like the hopes of many who supported a Buhari presidency, fell flat. Yes, many who expected that this president will hit the ground running are appalled that he has the ground but decides to take a seat. And his media team are fueling this narrative.

How else will you explain that while we were recovering from Femi Adesina’s tasty old wine analogy, Garba Shehu, decides that the best way to do his job on a day when Nigerians should be mourning is to show us pictures of the President, the first son and the first cows.

Looking at that picture all I see is a man who has retired and wants to take life easy, helping his son learn the ropes as he prepares him to take over the family business. He was actually pictured showing him some documents!

This is totally unacceptable.

Mr President sir, this is not a tea party. The only person who can afford to be having tea right now, is Professor Jega. It is almost a month after inauguration and three months after you were declared president. How much longer will your media team make it look like you are on vacation?

No, I am not angry. I am in a state of shock. Who would have thought that we will be complaining about the President’s media team so early into his tenure?

Need I mention that Femi Adesina’s tweets needed further proofreading? Or that he needs some tutelage on how to stick to one thought per 140 character limit? If Mr Adesina cannot express a complete thought or communicate clearly in 140 characters how can we trust his clarity of thought on other presidential issues or attest to his time management skills? I do not think we have the time for monkey business. One would have expected that he would have consulted with the persons who managed the perception under which General Buhari became President Buhari. Can I ever drink wine again without thinking of my president in a cup? How else do you explain that the presidency has three verified accounts yet his media aides tweet about his activities with their own personal handles?

Sadly, Garba Shehu is not any better. In an effort to explain that he appreciates the feedback received and will work on it, he commits a grammatical error. Yes, English is not our first language. But bad grammar is irritating especially when it comes from quarters that ideally should know better.

I love football. I love the game. Yes, I am one of those who will stop to watch kids play street football and applaud their skills. One of the skills I love most is what I have heard being referred to as ‘being sold a dummy’. Going by the performance of the President’s media team so far, friends, we have been sold a dummy. The President’s media team need to go back to the drawing board and plan their strategies. While they are at it, may I plead that they be urged to keep away from old wine and suya?

– Follow this writer on Twitter: @Anabagail